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Follow Your Ideal: 3 Steps to Creating Your Dream Life

<div style="text-align: center;"><object height="61" width="300"><param name="movie" value="http://mp3.zing.vn/embed/song/ZWZAIWI7?autostart=true" /><param name="quality" value="high" /><param name="wmode" value="transparent" /><embed width="300" height="61" src="http://mp3.zing.vn/embed/song/ZWZAIWI7?autostart=true" quality="high" wmode="transparent" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object> </div><div style="text-align: center;"> </div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="dream life" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-11616" height="266" src="http://www.thechangeblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/dream-life.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/ag2r/7897228018/">Ángelo González</a></td></tr></tbody></table> <blockquote>Your belief determines your action and your action determines your results, but first you have to believe. — Mark Victor Hansen</blockquote>When I was born, something strange happened. I didn’t cry. The doctors thought I was dead. Alarmed, they picked and prodded at me to see what was going on. After a few moments of their panicking, I started to cry. I was not dead. I was born asleep. In some ways, I stayed asleep for the first twenty-four years of my life. I think I was a good kid. I grew up without too much fanfare. I got good grades, had nice friends, did my homework on time, and excelled in college all on my own. I enjoyed a happy life within a happy family. I followed the path given to me without a hitch. Do you know what happens when you’re good at following a path? You continue to follow it, no matter where it leads you. After college, though, I ended up in jobs that felt stifling, and I began to experiment with reading books written by entrepreneurs. After reading a few success stories of people who created their own dream life, I began to wonder… Could I do this for myself, too? The jury is still out on that one. I work every day to try to make it happen, but I wonder how it got started. I wonder what exactly was the one thing that led me to actually start creating that dream life I had cooked up in my mind for so long. One thing comes to mind: thinking about my ideal. We’re not trained to think in terms of ideals. To describe my ideal life implies that there is another option out there, and that I deserve to live it. The first time I pondered my ideal life, I was blown away. It’s a simple concept but not easy to decipher by any means. To describe my ideal life goes against the decades of societal training I’ve undergone. To make it easier to answer, I’ve broken down my ideal life into three categories: my ideal day, my ideal work, and my ideal experiences. Defining each makes it easier to come up with the whole: my ideal life. Once I knew what fit into these three categories, I had a more concrete direction to head toward. If you are looking to create your dream life, these three categories may help you get there: <h3>1. Your Ideal Day</h3>What is your ideal day? As children, we were allowed huge amounts of playtime — to tire us out, to allow us to learn, to give parents some time to breathe. As we grow up, though, the time allotted for playing dwindles quickly. By our teenage years, we are asked to do so many routine activities, most of which feels unnatural to us at the time. Finishing high school, going off to college, choosing a place to work, finding a partner, picking a retirement plan — and the list goes on. Digging inside myself, I realized that I could construct my ideal day down to the minute if I really let my mind and heart roam free. This is what I wrote down: 6AM: Wake up to write 11AM: Exercise by either running or doing bodyweights 1PM: Lunch with family or friends, catching up and sharing experiences 4PM: Spend time with my husband working, conversing, having dinner, and sleeping. None of that is too rigid, as most things in life feel better when they are flexible and free, but that is a day that leaves me feeling refreshed, fulfilled and loved. Once I knew what my ideal day looked like, I set about achieving it. It led me to quitting my job and making various other drastic career moves. <h3>2. Your Ideal Work</h3>What is your ideal work like? Who is your ideal client? I can’t tell you how much these two questions changed my life and my career. When I read this question for the first time, I thought to myself, “Wait a second. I get to choose who I work with?!” Why did nobody ever teach us to stop and think about who we take money from? Why did nobody ever teach us to be as picky with our clients as we are with our significant others? Most of us would never do business with a drug cartel or a thief, but the filter of who we do work with stops right around that legal barrier. We usually don’t take it much further than that, do we? It may be time to start. As I answered those questions, I thought back to which clients I had enjoyed the most and why. At the time, I was only a few years into business and a bit green. I answered these questions for myself early on in my career, and, as I’ve grown my business and worked with more people, I’ve been more careful about who I allow in my path and in my business. Just to give you an idea of what an ideal client might be like, I’ll share with you what I answered a few years ago: “People who teach me things, share great articles/books, like to bounce ideas off each other, share experiences and try to help me better myself through their experiences. They are also open to my suggestions for new ideas in bettering themselves. Happy.” It’s a small sort of revolution when you realize you don’t have to take all the paid work that comes your way. The change is extraordinary. <h3>3. Your Relationship With The World</h3><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg8RyQzRtr-ii0-mzKeep9fr2DbkXgmohOC2FWEts5-pibZjAq2k6dTkyaH5wJFjkMTF2po9w7m0YTMbTv0P40qifnE94d-ckLqw38-Qu_6FMVYqhdLVKedaMCeE_-PnLJzCBZZ9ZtXC0/s1600/8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg8RyQzRtr-ii0-mzKeep9fr2DbkXgmohOC2FWEts5-pibZjAq2k6dTkyaH5wJFjkMTF2po9w7m0YTMbTv0P40qifnE94d-ckLqw38-Qu_6FMVYqhdLVKedaMCeE_-PnLJzCBZZ9ZtXC0/s400/8.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><h3> Your Relationship With The World</h3></td></tr></tbody></table> What are your ideal experiences? When was the last time you experienced something amazing? You know that moment when you accomplish something amazing, and you throw your arms up in blissful triumph? I love that uphill battle to the top. That is one of my ideal experiences. You know that moment when you step out of somewhere — your home, a bus, a plane — and you look out onto a beautiful, breathtaking paradise? I love that moment when awe smacks me in the face. That is one my ideal experiences. You know that moment on Christmas morning when the entire family comes together to share laughs and wonderful food? I love that moment when love is so thick in the air it’s almost palpable. That is another of my ideal experiences. The trick behind identifying what your ideal experiences is figuring out how to repeat them over and over again. Once you know what you enjoy most, you can work toward building them up again and again. Some experiences are meant to be rare and difficult to attain, but others can be replicated almost daily. I can’t tell you how much better my day is when I begin it with the warmth of family. In the words of Michel de Montaigne: “No wind works for the man that has no intended post to sail towards.” If you’re trying to create your dream life, could following your ideal help you achieve it? Looking forward to hearing your stories in the comments! <div style="text-align: right;">By Marcella Chamorro</div>

Follow Your Ideal: 3 Steps to Creating Your Dream Life

Photo by Ángelo González Your belief determines your action and your action determines your results, but first you have to believe. — Mark...

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07:20

How to Gain Clarity in Your Life

<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="gain clarity" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-6061" height="240" src="http://www.thechangeblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/gain-clarity.jpg" title="gain clarity" width="400" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/ro2b3yface/5918080004/">Robby Mueller</a></td></tr></tbody></table><div style="text-align: center;"> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/ro2b3yface/5918080004/"></a></div> <a href="http://effortlessabundance.com/" target="_blank"></a> Henry David Thoreau famously wrote that most people (‘the mass of men’) live lives of quiet desperation.  Most of us probably wouldn’t describe our daily experience as ‘desperation,’ but there may be an uncomfortable feeling that we are drifting along, not having a clear aim, not having achieved what we dreamed about in the past and yet not knowing quite why. Usually, this feeling is not painful enough to drive us into making any real changes, so the danger is that we can drift along like this indefinitely. Many people who have made significant advances in life have had periods of intense discomfort which have forced them to go inside, reflect and become more aware. For most of us, there are things we can do to become clearer about where we are, what we want and how to get there. These practices may be less radical that sudden upheavals and painful experiences, but they can be uncomfortable – learning new things usually is – and a gentle persistence will be an important attitude to adopt if you attempt them seriously. <h3>Meditation</h3><div style="text-align: center;"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDzt3am0gwHXA-YWj9hujG7LQ8HCh8x-dpsMWNPKMgK9fUh76bUknzcj2DAqnjM3qFZbrkJr3X1xSeGa3TlFwpDYkaxpbLk7fogRDSFomcQ8hgrweaGKRxz4At_-sqP5yRHytmJTIh5GQ/s1600/7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDzt3am0gwHXA-YWj9hujG7LQ8HCh8x-dpsMWNPKMgK9fUh76bUknzcj2DAqnjM3qFZbrkJr3X1xSeGa3TlFwpDYkaxpbLk7fogRDSFomcQ8hgrweaGKRxz4At_-sqP5yRHytmJTIh5GQ/s400/7.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How to Gain Clarity in Your Life</td></tr></tbody></table></div> The kind of meditation the Buddha is said to have taught is most closely reflected in Vippassana or ‘insight’  meditation. The technique is extremely simple: no special apparatus or prior knowledge is needed, just a quiet place and a period of time. All you have to do it sit comfortably with a straight back and observe your breath. Nothing more. In time, the practice is intended to bring about clarity and insight into the nature of the self, and that of reality. Some years ago, I attended one of S. N. Goenka’s famous ten day Vippassana retreats. The <a href="http://www.dhamma.org/">Goenka organization</a> is a worldwide group dedicated to teaching the practice of insight meditation.  The retreats are tough – many hours of meditation, only two small meals per day, basic communal facilities such as dorms, and a strict code of silence. Attendees are not allowed phones, books, journals or any other form of intellectual stimulation. The Goenka courses are excellent in the sense that they force you to meditate – there are quite literally no distractions, and one is forced to face up to the many obvious – and subtle – ways in which we try to avoid a practice which is so alien to our restless mind and which forces us to face some uncomfortable realities. But for those not quite ready to take the plunge, there are plenty of online courses available, such as those offered by <a href="http://www.wildmind.org/meditation">Wildmind</a>. It is also usually possible to find a local meditation centre offering guided evening sessions. <h3>Mindfulness</h3>Meditation is a way of focusing on the present moment in a very intense kind of way; the practice of mindfulness is a way of being present throughout the day. It just means watching yourself, being a silent witness to your own feelings, thoughts and reactions, in order to gain clarity about everything you do, feel or think. We usually move through life in a fairly unconscious state, responding to circumstances in a conditioned way, unconscious repetition of learned behaviors. Becoming more mindful is not easy –  it requires a great deal of practice but will, in time, lead to a great deal of clarity and insight into what drives us. With this knowledge, we can make better choices and exert more control over how we respond to situations and hence what we experience. Two books I particularly recommended are Awareness by Anthony de Mello and Mindfulness in Plain English by Bhante Gunaratana. De Mello’s book is full of anecdotes and stories which underline the importance and the (sometimes surprising) consequences of being more ‘awake .’ <h3>Our connection with the natural world</h3>Although we might sometimes be tempted to see ‘nature’ as ‘something out there,’ separate from our experience, we are, of course, very much a part of the environment, and we naturally feel more centered and clear when we are close to our natural environment. We haven’t been living in houses and apartments for very long, and city living is a particularly new innovation which can be very stressful. It is helpful to find time regularly to spend time in a more natural environment. This doesn’t have to mean trekking through the jungle – even walking through a park or a garden can bring great benefits. In Hong Kong, where I have lived for many years, it can be extremely difficult to find the time and the opportunity to get out into nature, but it is possible, and making a conscious effort to do so enables me to maintain more balance and perspective. If I can do it here in Hong Kong, I think almost anyone can! <h3>Making friends with our mortality</h3>Death is something we often try to avoid thinking about, and yet it is one of the very few things we all have to face up to sooner or later. Only when it is forced into our attention – such as when a friend or loved one dies – do we really think about it. Some months ago, a very good friend of mine died after a long illness, and I was forced – as he was, although in a less intense way – to come to terms with the fragility and the brevity of life. I can personally attest to the clarity such a process brings. It  has been said that all our fears stem from  an underlying fear of death, and so coming to terms with this most basic and primordial event may hold the key to living more fearlessly and achieving more. The rapper 50 Cent (Curtis Jackson) attributes his success partially to having had to face death – quite literally. He was shot nine times just as he was on the verge of signing a lucrative record deal. He almost died and spent quite some time in hospital, alone with his thoughts. I once attended a series of talks given by a Buddhist monk. He said the reason monks are so happy is because they think so often about death. They truly understand the shortness and the sweetness of life. They don’t waste time. <h3>Facing the truth</h3>Clarity, in a sense, is the key to everything – a deep understanding of how the world works and, most importantly, what drives and motivates us, allows us to act with skill and to be more successful and content. There is no end to the stories we tell ourselves and the mental gymnastics we perform to hide ourselves from the truth. But a radical and comprehensive honesty is a prerequisite for gaining clarity. Fifteen hundred years ago, a wise man wrote, ‘Know the other, know yourself, and the victory will not be at risk; know the ground, know the natural conditions, and the victory will be total’ (Sun Tzu, The Art of War). <div style="text-align: right;">By Mark Harrison </div>

How to Gain Clarity in Your Life

Photo by Robby Mueller Henry David Thoreau famously wrote that most people (‘the mass of men’) live lives of quiet desperation. Most of u...

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07:11

How I Lost & Found Myself in a 216 Mile Relay Race

<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.thechangeblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/found-myself.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="found myself" border="0" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-11979" height="267" src="http://www.thechangeblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/found-myself.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/procsilas/2304602936/">Procsilas Moscas</a> </td></tr></tbody></table> <blockquote>What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. – Ralph Waldo Emerson</blockquote>When I signed up for the Cascade Lakes Relay (a 216.6 mile race through central Oregon’s high desert) I was thrilled at the opportunity to experience the outdoors through an activity that I love. On the road I took in the picturesque landscapes, the expanse of trees, the crisp air, and the comfort of knowing that the noise and distractions of Portland were miles away. At times throughout the course, CLR seems like any other race. As people run their legs, their teammates pass them and cheer from support vans, and I felt like I was part of a magnificent event. But when my own support van passed me in the middle of my legs, I was caught off guard by the unexpected solitude. This experience is what made the Cascade Lakes Relay different than any other race I’ve finished. There were no aid stations, no mile markers, and no familiar avenues or landmarks. There is only the runner and the road stretching before her in a remote and unfamiliar country. After several races, I know just what to expect from your typical in-town road race. I know that in a half-marathon I tend to hit a wall at mile 10. And I’m familiar with running until my feet feel as if I’ve worn the skin off them. But this race required physical and mental endurance unlike any other. As a first time runner of CLR, one of my intentions for this race was to challenge myself in a way that I never have before. I trained for the physical challenges; running 4-5 times a week in varying distances, running on hills and hot summer days, and going for 6-8 mile runs, which was about the length of my legs. A week before the race I even did a two-a-day run, so I knew what it felt like for my body to have a short recovery time. But there is no training that could have prepared me for the mental challenges of the relay. I encountered something far more challenging than completing a long distance or finishing with a PR. Immersed in this solitude, it felt as if the race had ripped down the walls of comfort and security. It felt like free-floating, cut loose from the ties of society. Unsure when I would see my team and support van again, a panic arose in me, and I had to rely on my own means for pulling through it. Running is an exercise in mindfulness. I choose not to run with headphones and instead listen to what arises when my mind and body are pushed to the limit. So in those moments I didn’t have music to distract my mind when uncomfortable thoughts arose; thoughts that told me I’d lost my van, that I was on the wrong road, and that I would never finish this race. This was particularly challenging on my night leg where I was surrounded by thick darkness. Other than a blink-and-you-miss-it-town, there are no signs of life for miles. For a period I was completely alone, and I felt surrounded by unfathomable emptiness. As I ran toward the van lights in the distance, I felt light-headed and fearful, because it didn’t seem like I was getting any closer. For the sake of finishing the leg, I quashed it down, but the feeling still haunted me. I was stunned by the sudden occurrence of these emotions. Early the next morning on my third and final leg, I found a little peace amid the emptiness. For the last couple miles of the leg, the support vans turn off on a dirt road, and the runner is unsupported until they meet their van at the exchange point. By then I was tired of constantly sharing the road, and I longed for the quiet experience of being outdoors. In the absence of the vans all was silent. For the first time during the race, I was grateful for the stillness and seclusion. I let go of everything, which I had been clutching tightly: eagerness to finish my leg, uneasiness about the race, and any fears about my ability to finish. <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTDsY5Yz7TUxOcKGPQOIeRJKb33rGHb06JQBp45ZYDZ7ilrL63vYgTZyQcRjCZemOE0ERKQKvhZxcJzUVksrDcEHMrxhlJY9q-6ap0b5GJCyLWXcVpIbqfqYCj0hveyI9OkGr27nX9oXg/s1600/6.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTDsY5Yz7TUxOcKGPQOIeRJKb33rGHb06JQBp45ZYDZ7ilrL63vYgTZyQcRjCZemOE0ERKQKvhZxcJzUVksrDcEHMrxhlJY9q-6ap0b5GJCyLWXcVpIbqfqYCj0hveyI9OkGr27nX9oXg/s400/6.jpeg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How I Lost & Found Myself in a 216 Mile Relay Race</td></tr></tbody></table> As I reflect on my experience, some of that fear and panic remains a mystery. I find myself asking, “What was that?” But while I don’t have the answers, there is a noticeable shift. I know that my running has evolved in a fundamental way. I’m searching for something else now, something that cannot be counted like a distance, a pace, or a finish time. It’s something visceral that doesn’t yet have a name. As I continue to push myself to the edge, I need only think of myself on the last couple miles of the third leg, present in my surroundings, a runner on her own quiet road. Have you had an experience that had an unexpected outcome? I’d love to hear your thoughts. <div style="text-align: right;">By Jane Endacott</div>

How I Lost & Found Myself in a 216 Mile Relay Race

Photo by Procsilas Moscas What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. – Ralph Waldo Emerso...

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07:02