7 Steps to Freedom From Toxic People

Have you learned how to say NO?

Don’t we all have someone in our life who leaves us vulnerable depleted, drained, negative and pessimistic.  Your cruising along and bam, they instantly knock the happiness right out of your sails.

We label these people as “toxic”.  They are narcissistic, manipulative, gossipers who love to put others down and make you feel guilty.

So here’s the ironic thing about “toxic people”, when we complain about toxic people aren’t we ourselves being toxic?

Stop being the victim.

Is anyone else really responsible for how you feel inside?  Really ask yourself that question, we all love to blame and truly we believe that somehow ‘they’ meaning toxic people have control over our experiences.  How convenient that we overlook our own responsibility in our relationships.

We are living in an epidemic of blame, even though we choose who we let into our life and for those we didn’t choose to let in (the overbearing mother in law or annoying coworker) we choose how these people make us feel.  If we enter into an exchange preparing for a negative experience then we will receive a negative experience.

So listen up because we can change.  We don’t have to give up on ‘toxic people’ and though they might not become our best friends, we can let go of the experience and keep our cool.

We are all battling inner delusions, no one is perfect.  We all struggle with pride, jealousy, attachment, ignorance, fear and anger.  Of course we can’t fix anyone else’s inner battles but we have absolute control over our own internal state and our reactions to other’s internal states.

The problem with blaming others is that is leaves us powerless to change.  We have a mistaken belief that our problems lie outside of our control, that they are outer problems.   It’s always my bosses fault for being so rude or my mothers fault for being so ignorant.

Seriously, these are your problems and in saying that I really mean seriously these are your problems!

Have you ever stopped to consider that we don’t have to let someone else’s behaviour become our problem?  Try walking away from an unpleasant interaction thinking, “Wow that was very unpleasant, their inner delusions must be strong today, I’m going to let it go now.”  Then you regain your peace.

Those who can grasp this concept have a huge advantage in avoiding conflict and creating meaningful relationships.

It’s really not such a big secret, but most people aren’t aware of this, you are not powerless to all the outer turmoil.  You have everything you need right now to remove toxicity from your life for good.

7 Steps to Freedom from Toxic People

1.  Do you love yourself?

I mean do you really love yourself, because if you do chances are that you won’t have toxic relationships, you will be a doorman to your life.   Don’t allow toxic behaviour in.

Know that you are worthy. Know that you are beautiful.  Know that you are a good person.  Know that you are extremely important.  When we get to know and love ourselves in a meaningful spiritual way we intrinsically know that we deserve respect.

2.  Do you love others?

I mean is it genuine?  Most can see beyond fake, overcompensated love.  Stretch your love to even those who are difficult to love.  Everyone is worth of love, no matter how deluded or annoying they might be to you.

When you love unconditionally you will be surprised at how this will change someone’s reaction to you. If there’s anger or judgement behind your intentions, that will shine through, people unconsciously pick up on that, and once they do, its a toxic relationship from both sides.

3.  Have you learned how to say NO?

This is one magical little word that can change your life.  It’s ok to say No.  Be sure to set boundaries.  Express your emotions and tell others when things are not acceptable.  Communication is a key.

Be assertive, if your boss is putting unreasonable demands on you then confront him in a calm communicative manner.  If you mother in law is being overbearing, stand up to her, chances are she will back down.  Everyone doesn’t have to love you, or like you but when you stand up for yourself everyone will respect you.

4.  Do you walk away?

If you have a choice, leave a situation that is uncomfortable.  If you approach a group of friends who are all gossiping, excuse yourself.  If you phone up a friend who immediately starts complaining, don’t hesitate to say something came up and you have to run.

Another tactic would be to try to steer the conversation into a positive light.  Make a joke, say something positive.  It’s amazing how negativity snowballs but also how positivity will too.

5.  Do you take responsibility?

You have chosen your friends, you have created relationships, you have decided to keep them around, you say yes to events, you might even partake in the gossip and complaining.  Know your role and make efforts to better yourself, maybe that will encourage others to follow suit.

You can choose your reactions.  I can’t say this enough.  You have absolute power over your experience of any situation.  Stop placing blame and start showing compassion.

6.  Are you showing compassion?

Do you try to understand where someone else might be coming from.  Do you try to put yourself in their shoes.  Everyone has a story worth tuning into.  Before immediately judging someone of good or bad through your lens of conditioning, take the time try to get to know that person.

If we feel compassion for someone we can change our reaction.  We can understand where it’s coming from and stop taking it personally.

7.  Are you learning from difficult people?

The core essence of every person is an intrinsically good being.  That doesn’t mean that we won’t ever be annoyed, angry or upset with others, but it does mean that we don’t have to dwell on these traits.  Are we imperfect, for sure, but are we intrinsically toxic, no!  Try to remember that we are all doing the best we can with the tools we have been given.

We can take steps to change our experience, it can be as simple as that.  Instead of projecting judgement and hate try to learn from that person, accept who they are and that they are suffering.  Then try to learn and enhance your own spiritual growth.

I have a challenge for you, think about someone in your life who you deem as “toxic”.  Now I want you to envision walking into a room and think about how toxic this person is.  Do you feel the negative energy, the immediate cold front.  Now I want you to envision loving that person, accepting their faults, finding at least one trait you admire and focus on that trait.  Do you feel the shift in energy immediately.  Practice this visualization before you come into contact with others, especially difficult people.

And when the deusions of others feel so overpowering you can’t possibly find a positive space, let it go and remember, do not take anything personally.

The only way to make change occur is to look inward.

Please leave a comment below about the ‘toxic’ people in your life.  Do you think you can change your perceptions?